Sawamura' s spiral life paths
by thepingucat1
Summary: Sawamura always looked like that little aloof and carefree kid which everyone trusted and laughed. In truth this was the facade he has managed to built through years and years of practice and pretending. Pretty much a careless incident destroyed him and his future . This contains self harm triggering,, don't say I didn't warned you.
1. Sawamura's pain

**SAWAMURA'S SPIRAL PATHS**

 **CHAPTER ONE:**

 **Sawamura' s fatal accident**

Sawamura always looked like that little aloof and carefree kid which everyone trusted and laughed. In truth this was the facade he has managed to built through years and years of practice and pretending. This contains self harm triggering,, I warned you.

I do not own Daiya no A , I wish I would but unfortunately I don't.

Sawamura might had seemed as a joyful, completely careless boy but he wasn't an insensitive person. He was actually a very serious, and gentle boy. Contrast to most beliefs he was a very sensitive person that got bothered really easily, with the slightest of teasing and boy were his teammates bothersome! His teammates frequently teased him , like there was no tomorrow. They all thought he was some kind of stupid, clown who couldn't think or speak properly. Sawamura knew his true self and it definitely didn't contain the word clown. He was more of a joyful character, hardworking and a very bright , young man. He could easily solve all of the math's books in one day but were was the fun to doing that? Then he wouldn't have anything else to do and he would have fell even more frequently asleep on the desk. Not to mention Miyuki's and the rest's merciless teasing and joking about his "loud voice" and "stupidity".

Their teasing wasn't only bothersome but also very annoying for him and he hated it with all is might. He always got very angry with their teasing , thus the many lose balls that were thrown, but that was his own way of calming down. Even if it was causing bruises to people he would continue because he had to admit ,seeing that angry , pained, and bothered scowl on their face was kind of fun actually. It gave him a sense of revenge about these wrong assumptions they made of him. Sawamura though - was also at fault for reinforcing these assumptions. Instead of trying to stop them and making them understand, he stayed silent. He subconsciously embraced their words to make him the person they wanted him to be - only so that he could fit in with his surrounding and be accepted. Pretending was a skill he learnt the hard way, it was his only salvation and help when finding friends ,only then did the rest of the people seemed to accept him as part of their pack and allowed him to access their cliques.

One day he finally reached his limits. Miyuki was repeatedly calling him "Bakamura" over and over again. Sawamura lost all of self control. His eyes glazed over with anger and hatred and he lunged himself onto the other boy. Turning towards Miyuki he leant all of his weight on top of the other and pushed him down forcefully, clutching his hands tightly around the other's throat. He was screaming at him and shaking him violently until he had turned into a sickish bluish color from lack of oxygen. Everyone run towards them and tried to pry him off Miyuki. Finally Coach yanked him forcefully of Miyuki and managed to drag him away - but even then he was still trying to hang on to Miyuki with all his possible power. His nails were all out trying to scratch him as much as he could. Or with Haruich's words , "he was like a wild cat while in the middle of a fight; his eyes had narrowed to a slit, he was clawing at the air, and he was growling curses at everyone who tried to calm him down." Once he reached a small distance away he dared to glance down at Miyuki. His face looked pale and pitiful and it suddenly caused him to shudder. A trace of drool was running down his mouth and his eyes looked glazed over, his head hung loosely down the side like a lifeless doll. "What was he doing, was he going to really kill him?" " Was he really ready to do it?". Realizing his actions he felt horrified. This wasn't his intention he wasn't trying to kill Miyuki, he did all of this subconsciously, it wasn't his fault. He was so dazed with anger and spitefulness at that moment that he had reacted on impulse. This also marked the occasion which had made him enter into an endless downwards spiral.

After that incident no one came close to him anymore, they seemed to fear him , especially his baseball teammates. Even Haruichi would jerk away from Sawamura if he tried to give him a friendly slap on the shoulder. He hadn't seen any of his closest friends for the last few weeks . Every time he asked Haruichi and Furuya if they could hung out , they would find an excuse and run away. Some of them were so farfetched and unbelievable , they sounded completely ridiculous! Such an example was their latest excuse, " My star sign says it is not a good day to go outside and that there is a great possibility of rain and misfortune if I go against them, as my planet is in an imminent collision course with planet Mars." Haruichi certainly didn't have the same star sign with Furuya so this "star sign " wouldn't affect both of them , Furuya was a Capricorn after all. Plus since when were they following the stars? Last time he checked they both considered them as a simple fiction of imagination that only extremely gullible people believed in. This excuse was ridiculous, even the excuse of having to meet an alien coming to visit from the nearest inhabitant planet would seem more realistic! A few days later everybody completely ceased to speak or look at him, unless it was truly necessary, like "Miyuki wants you " and " It is your turn to bat." If they saw him walking the hallways they would turn to the other side, and if he said "hi" they would start running away from him as fast as they possibly could, hitting a few corners face flat form the high velocity and agitation of their steps.

Sawamura felt all alone, nobody spoke to him, nobody noticed , and nobody cared for him anymore. Supper time would always find him into the corner beside the janitor's closet. It was the only place no one dared to come close to, probably because it also happened to be one of the most filthy , and dark places in the school. If anyone gave a close attention to the cleaning supplies he would notice that most of the cleaning supplies looked brand new and some of them were still wrapped in the original plastic containers. No wonder the cafeteria and bathrooms seemed to be filled to the brim with dirt. The closet had been built in such a way that it could never get any natural light, to stay hidden away from the rest of the school and to not contaminate the beauty and neat style of its surroundings. Sawamura felt as if this was the correct place for him to be, he was a despised, unwanted person stuck beside another unwanted place . Ironically, although the closet wasn't alive ,they were both so similar to each other; no one wanted them and they all ignored them like the plaque. The only motivation left for him now was the ace title and he knew he was a long way from reaching it.

As a child he always was a great target for bullying , his tiny statute and the silent character he used to have in the past made him the perfect bait. He would soundlessly endure their beatings, even if they caused fractures and bruises n his tiny, fragile body. When his parents asked him about them the only thing he would answer was that he fell of the stairs and mistakenly got injured. They would never pry into his decisions and words, they liked to think of themselves as a perfect little family, and this sort of things happenings would set a bad reputation of their family. After all their family was highly respected and admired by the people and it was considered as one of the best families in the whole city of Nagano. Back then though his beatings didn't last for very long, once he had changed schools everything took a turn for the best. In this most important time of his life , high school, though his fortune was ready to take a very sharp turn, but this time it was for worse.

Some of the guys form the rest of the classes decided he was a good toy to play with if they got bored. They would trip him up on his way to eat lunch and drag him into a dark corridor. They continuously punched his abdomen and legs, and sometimes even smashed his head on the concrete, hard floor. Sometimes they hit him so hard that he felt as if blacking out form the excruciating pain and agony he felt. His mind and senses would become hazy and he would try to hold on to the last few strings of consciousness he was left with, until he finally lost the battle and fell into dreams full of nightmares . In the beginning it was happening only once per week but now this would happen nearly every day. Sawamura always felt as if this was the rightful punishment for him, he had nearly killed a man, he deserved far worse than this. This was a piece of cake compared to what he had done. He felt worthless and useless, he was nothing but a waste of living space! Guiltiness was eating him away-mentally and physically. He had stopped eating as much as before , and had limited his food intake to half a bowl of rice per meal. He was so extremely depressed that he didn't care anymore about anything, not even his own health. His weight was hurriedly dropping and his world had lost all traces of colors. Everything looked aimless in his eyes, the ace title vague like an egg without a yolk. He had no inspirations left , his surroundings were filled with dark shadows of grey. He couldn't find the strength to get himself off the bed and wake up to the harsh reality ; with all those wicked and scornful glances send towards his way. Appearing as if they were trying to rip him apart in tiny pieces and brake him completely. In truth their aim was indiscriminate. There was nothing left to break anymore , he was fatally broken ; his heart torn to shreds - which left bloody traces on their way hoping for someone to notice them and save him before it was too late-. Only for his prayer's never to be answered in time. Help came too late, there was nothing left of the old Sawamura anymore to save. The only thing left was the shells that were as equally damaged as its contents, so fragile that they could crumble with the merest touch.

Waking up that fateful weekend he wasn't feeling very well at all, his body had entirely run out of fuel. Sawamura felt exhausted and his sides still hadn't healed from the last beating. All of this combined with this feeling of starvation and depression that was lingering over him, he finally decided he had enough. He took the flicking knife out of his hiding spot and forcefully plunged it into his wrist, making sure to cut as deep as possible. It made him feel a strange sense of sickening pleasure and fulfillment, seeing the blood gushing out. It looked so red it almost made him feel alive again. He stared at it mesmerized by the way it shined when the light made contact with it , uncaring of the dumb, numb feeling that coursed through his body. He felt so dizzy ,everything was spinning quickly around him as if it was falling on his body, and he felt so sleepy that he was starting to doze off. Finally falling into a short nap time, feeling the low beating of his heart and the surrounding noises getting fainter and fainter in his ears until they ceased completely.

Continuation in the next chapter. This is not the official ending by the way- as much as it may seem to be because of the ending note in the end of the chapter. : )

Thanks for giving up your time to read it, hope it was satisfying enough for you. Please leave a review.


	2. Finding hope at last

**Chapter 2: Finding hope**

 **Halo, everyone here is the second chapter, took some time but i finally managed to write it.**

 **I do not, in any way , own daiya no A. if i did though Sawamura would have already become the ace and the chapters wouldn't have been so Furuya centric lately! ; ) LOL**

There was one thing Kuramochi hated the most- having to wake up during the weekends to train was the worst and this terrible winter weather wasn't really helping to improve his mood at all. His morning was a typical waking up call from his horrible high pitched alarm clock. How he wished to smash that thing to pieces while it was screaming with that loud scream of it right next to his ears, but he didn't have the guts to do it. After all it was a gift from his parents and throwing it away would have seemed quite disrespectful. He only had to wait until university, only one year left, then he would do as he wished with it. Freedom! He would properly dismember it and shove it into the nearest trash bin he could find in his sight. That day waking up he felt really grumpy, extremely irritated and angry . There was this persistent , uncontrollable feeling like he needed to beat someone up really badly today. He would suppress it enough though, because as he learned from recent experience ; the more angry he was the better and more powerful became his batting. He dressed in a haste, not bothering to wake up Sawamura - after all there still was half an hour left for him to sleep in if he wanted. He - as the good senpai he was - would come to wake him up if he hadn't woken up by then. For now though he had to satisfy his rumbling belly first.

-Reflecting on his most recent actions a horrific realization dawned on him, he was starting to act like Masuko and not only movement wise but also speaking wise. Did he start to sound dangerously like Masuko recently? He had to seriously watch out, he didn't actually want to become like that guy who seemed to have an endless pit of a stomach. Didn't anyone notice how big the heaps of food he ate were? Not to mention how frequent his meals were! Kuramochi didn't want to produce a belly that was so unappealing towards women , now did he? After all finding a girlfriend was the main purpose of his high school life.

Stepping out of the security of his room , he immediately regretted his actions. Maybe he should have followed Sawamura' s example and stay in for a chance to get a bit more sleep. The weather was chilling, and dark black clouds were threatening the atmosphere. The weather predictions did say that there would be a lot of snow falling this afternoon. He took a cautious step down the stairs, only for his foot to freeze from the low temperature of the steel stairs. Were they really going to be forced to train in this weather, how would they be able to move properly? His own feet barely even listened to his commands , they seemed frozen to the ground and he could barely feel the tip of his toes! Hopefully training would somehow warm him up a bit to get his engine working again. One thing was certain; training would be an absolutely nuisance today. Most passersby people must have thought he was crazy or something seeing him run like a maniac to the lunchroom area. He, however had an honest reason to bolt for the canteen. The canteen was filled with its heavenly heavy, warm and lulling hot air-conditioning; contrasting with the freezing atmosphere outside. This winter season made the cafeteria look more welcoming and appealing that any other day of the year. Typically there was a variety of breakfast items but he stuck with his usual, a warm meal of "Natto with fried egg on rice and miso soup". It was one of Seido's kitchen's specialty, filled with the same delicious ingredients every day. He used up his own sweet remaining time while eating , savoring the sweet taste of the fired egg on his tongue. Looking up suddenly he realized that it was already time for practice, running outside, top speed, to reach his practice on time.

He was so preoccupied with training that he utterly forgot about Sawamura until Coach approached him during batting practice; asking him were Sawamura was exactly and if he had gotten sick. Honestly Kuramochi thought that Sawamura had arrived when they were engulfed in practicing, but he was nowhere to be found at all. This was very odd, especially from Sawamura- a guy which never was late for practice and loved to work out in the bullpen. Kuramochi was becoming extremely worried. What was Sawamura up to and he couldn't come, was he really sick and no one had noticed it until now?

Thinking back on the last few days, Sawamura hadn't been acting very Sawamura like lately. He had become extremely quiet, and he had obviously lost some of his appetite . Befaure he would shove down three servings of food and now he barely ate a whole serving. His practices hadn't ended up that good recently: most of his balls were either completely outs or dead balls. He did seem to be very moody and slightly depressed, but Kuramochi didn't know why he was acting like this at all. He thought that if he left him alone he would become okay again- just like that time during that failed Inashiro match. He hadn't needed that much support to heal, he was a boy with a very strong and persistent character. This time it was obvious that something worse was going on and Kuramochi hoped it wasn't too late to fix it. He tried to forget it as time went on. The more he was trying to forget it ,the more worried he became. All he wanted to do was run up to the room and see if he was okay, he didn't care about practice anymore! He didn't wait for any permission , he just run ignoring the loud voices of the others or the loud footsteps of the person running right behind him. He didn't even notice the snowflakes falling down on him and making him wet. His mind was focused on one thing, and that was Sawamura' s wellbeing. His breath felt short, his heart was beating so fast it felt as if it was ready to explode. He was so confused that he didn't realize when his hand reached the door. As a result his face hit the hard wood face first. After fumbling around to get the key into the keyhole he finally managed to open the door. He was so uncaring of his surroundings that he simply smashed the door open , only to stand still and freeze at the sight in front of him.

The sight was horrible! Sawamura was laying on his side on the floor beside his bed , a hand reaching out as if it was trying to grasp something. The worst scene was the blood ! The floor was filled with so much blood it seemed to be encircling and climbing up the walls. It was making him feel lightheaded, as if he would faint at any given moment. He just wished that it all was just a nightmare but his subconscious knew that this was real. Suddenly a strand of pink hair passed his vision scrambling beside him through the door. Ryosuke shoved him off balance, forcing him to fall on the floor and headfirst into the edges of the studying table. His body couldn't move from the shock and fear- he felt frozen. He couldn't comprehend what exactly was going on around him. He honestly wanted to help but his mind had become completely blank and his muscles felt paralyzed! He felt like a helpless, weak, idiot who couldn't do anything- just stare around while Ryosuke did all the work for him-.

Ryosuke had gotten straight into action, finding the first aid kit in a corner of the top drawer. He turned him around, pressing his fingers- searching for a pulse. Thank God, he had found it at last! It was considerably weak but it was there, it gave a surge of hope to Ryosuke's panicking body that it wasn't over yet. He cleaned up the wound as fast as he could and tied a bandage tightly over the wound; in an attempt to lessen the bleeding a bit . Ryosuke wasn't the best with first aid but this would have to do until the medics would arrive. He fished his phone out of his pocket calling 911 for an ambulance- explaining the situation at hand as calmly as possible. Then he called the Coach telling him what was going on. He could swear he hadn't see him arriving that fast anywhere before in all of his three years of Seido. It had taken him less than half a minute to reach his destination. He calmly sat beside Ryosuke asking him if he knew what had happened. Ryosuke didn't bother answering though, they all had realized what had happened here. It left Ryosuke filled with grief. Why would such a young boy decide to take such actions, how could no one have realized that Sawamura had been in such a bad state?

Finally after what seemed like ages the ambulance sirens were heard. The trolley wheels could be heard hitting the pavement outside as they moved along. Suddenly they were there , standing over Sawamura like hawks, observing him from all possible sides for any additional injuries. They placed him on a stretcher, wheeling him outside in a hurry; mumbling all those incoherent specialist words no one could understand. Rei and coach had run right behind the medics giving all kind of information (medicine allergies , his type of blood etc) and following suit into the ambulance with them. The doors of the vehicle closed with a heavy thud, letting Ryosuke feeling numb and dizzy ,with heavy tears running down his face . They were soaking his face like a river and a round of heavy heaving and coughing was filling his lungs. His calm demeanor was falling apart, shock was finally being registered into his system and it made him feel nauseous. He became aware of his surroundings. He noticed the crowd that had formed around them while everyone kept whispering to each other wondering what was going on. He felt anger , why didn't anyone had come to help him and Kuramochi if they were there all this time long? Ryosuke had had enough of their uselessness! He turned around shouting at them ,calling them idiots with no common sense and cursing loudly at them. Kuramochi pulled him back trying to calm him down to no avail. Ryosuke was clearly too far gone to care anymore, Sawamura had been just like his brother and seeing him in such a state must have torn him apart. Kuramochi felt the same way but they had to stand strong because Sawamura would need them to heal and they were the closest thing left for him that was closest to a friend at the given moment. Even if everyone seemed to have abandoned him , they would stand strong and stay beside him and help him go through it because he deserved it more than anyone.

Thanks for taking up time to read the story, i hope you all liked it, i certainly enjoyed writing it.

P.S: Just to explain some scenes. They could see that something was wrong but they both thought it was something similar to that Inashiro match with Narumiya. Thus they thought that if they left him alone he would heal on his own eventually . In the end when they realized that this wouldn't happen it was too late , Sawamura had already committed suicide.

I honestly tried my best but reading back to it , I can see i left a few plot holes , like where they came from. Hopefully i explained it in the note but I will so be explaining in the future chapters so no need to worry, it will be filled eventually.


	3. Regrets and second chances

I made a small attempt to write some dialogue in this chapter but I am not really good at it. I appreciated all of your comments though and attempted to put some dialogue in. Hopefully till the next chapter I will have become better with it.

Chapter3:

Sawamura 's head felt heavy, loud noises kept bombarding his brain endlessly, ending up in a jumbled meaningless mess. It felt like that time when he was a young boy. His parents had thought it was a good idea to take a sickly child to a 3-D cinema, thinking that it would make him "happy" and "cheer him up". Contrary it made him feel even more giddy and worsen his fever . He had been flooded with so many stimuli simultaneously that he became confused and left the cinema feeling even more moody, dizzy and chaotic than before. Right now he was feeling pretty similarly to that time.

Everything kept doing loopholes around his eyes, some of them were even skateboarding. There was only one reason for it. Either he had totally lost is mind, or he had drunk some really tough drink before he went to bed. He could remember nothing from what had been happening the last few days . Whatever had happened though it had left traces of bitterness and resentment on the tip of his tongue. His brain was filled with sadness and misery. What had happened? Frowning his eyebrows he concentrated a hard as he could. Oh, okay now he remembered. No wonder he was feeling like hell. Shouldn't he be dead by now though? Was this what death felt like? Surely not, he felt way too alive to be dead .Maybe the blade hadn't pierce him as deep as he initially thought after all. Next time he would have to make sure to do it properly then.

An irritating noise disturbed his train of thought, if he concentrated hard enough he could even make some words. Probably a voice, which meant there was a person beside him. Who was it though? . no matter the person it belonged it was bothersome as hell. It was so annoyingly loud that it was piercing and disturbing his own train of thoughts. What could it possibly want from him? He could hear it, it was trying to talk to him; asking something from him but he couldn't make sense of it. Dead people couldn't hear voices . He must had been alive after all. His prayer hadn't gotten unanswered in the end, someone heard them and finally helped him out. His heart swelled with hope, there was still someone left that cared for him. Not everyone hated him and avoided him after all… The question was who was that person and where was he? He searched for a familiar voice, but couldn't find any. The only logical answer was that he had been send to some sort of hospital. Hopefully it wasn't a mental institute. He was many things; stubborn, idiotic, weak, heck he may even had a few lose screws there and here but he definitely wasn't mad. First and foremost everyone had a few los screws it was only natural - to be sane everyone needed a small dose of insanity to bring some balance to their minds-. At least that is what his parents told him ; their ancestors did have a history of mental illness and insanity and they probably weren't the best people to trust.

Sawamura gave up trying to understand the person's words, they made no sense to him. His mind wandered again, reminding him again the most questions he had been trying to find answers for them to end in vain again unreturned.

-Where was he? What was going on? More importantly , who kept making all this noise around him? If he was awake he would have honestly slapped them by now. Heck, he would have even called for them to "stop their nonstop nagging", it was getting on his nerve! That is when the miracle happened, Sawamura finally responded to a stimuli, waking him out of his comatose- like state. Sawamura accused the needles that kept poking him. Those needles could even awake a dead man- so tremendous the pain he felt was.

"Will you stop it, all that poking is hurting me!" , Sawamura quietly responded through his persisting, throbbing headache.

" I am sorry ,I will be gone in just a moment. Sorry for any disturbances. Sweat dreams young man.", said the nurse kindly.

Nurse Mary: couldn't find a more common name. LOL ; )

Finally, an exhale of relief found its way out of her mouth. He was awake, alive and kicking. This meant he was going to heal. When they brought him here he was covered in blood from head to toe, his pulse was so low - that they thought he was nearly gone. Thankfully the medical team went to work quickly and managed to somehow revert the damage done. That wouldn't have happened without Sawamura' s persistence to live though. The boy was a stubborn thing for sure, otherwise he wouldn't have survived that long with any proper blood flow. Thank God for it ; because it helped him pull though this critical night without a hinge.

Amazingly no internal damage was done to his body and his brain hadn't suffer any damage from oxygen loss. His road to recovery was clear, but the hospital couldn't help him mentally. That would have to be overseen by someone else, they were a hospital not a psychiatrist office! You couldn't believe how many people thought of that. Yesterday a man ad come asking for a physiologist. Apparently he couldn't handle living without his precious two fingers. If he wasn't so stupid he wouldn't be trying to light those fireworks without taking precautions. Stupid people and their stupid ideas! Imagine having to deal with them every day. She swore they would make her insane in the end! Thankfully her job was done here, with these patient. Two more to go and then a very needed coffee break . She would come back after an hour to check on Sawamura; for now he seemed to needed his rest. The noises that notified her presence and work made a lot of cricking and loud sounds; and they definitely didn't help to aid his sleep. She finally left closing the door softly behind them, careful not to wake him up.

Sawamura' s POV:

After he heard the door closing he felt serene again. Engulfed in this silent heaven, he fell asleep allowing himself to relax for a bit and fall back into Morpheus arms.

Sawamura woke up after what felt like an eternity. His mind was still hazy but his eyes weren't feeling a heavy as they were initially. He opened his eyes carefully, peaking through the crack of his eyes afraid of the sight he would see. There was nothing though, nothing at all. Everything was filled with blackness. He began hyperventilating and panicking, what was going on? He sat up suddenly , his eyes opening wide with fear. He could still see something but some parts still looked completely black. Fear crippled him. His hands were shaking. Experimentally he placed one above his right let out an exhale of relief. He could still see clearly. Then he placed a trembling hand over his left eye….. Cold realization hit Sawamura hard, he couldn't see-his right eye had become completely blind-,. How could this have happened? More importantly would they still allow him to play baseball half blind?

They had to! He wasn't crippled or anything, of course he could still play. It would need some adjustments but he would do it, baseball was the only thing left for him, his only hope. His family had given up on him having any decent future, this was his only chance to prove them wrong. He had sweat blood to get those perfect scores to get that full scholarship, they had no right to kick him out of the school! He couldn't fail his parents again . He couldn't bare those cold looks his parents would give him if he did fail and especially their painful words:

"Another thing you are not good at. Maybe this world is not made for you", his mother always told him; filled with disappointment.

"No need to worry my dear ,I am sure that there are still a few works you do not require to have a degree to work . Maybe a kobini worker or a house cleaner , they do not need very special abilities." , his father would answer back to her.

"Maybe he will be able to find a job after all but I am not willing to have him under my roof forever if he does not. He will be forced to find a job somehow, otherwise he can live in the streets too. I don't care."His mother would answer back spitefully.

Of course they were his parents they wouldn't say anything but that look would be enough to understand the consequences. They would probably send him in his room without a day's worth of food to "reflect on his actions", like they always did . Once he was 18 he was certain that they would kick him out of the house, they didn't really care for his own wellbeing after all. He wasn't really her son…He was just the child from his father's first failed marriage and because of this his whole future had been overwritten as a failure. After all as his stepmother usually said: your background foreshadows your future and he didn't have a very bright future ahead of him.

A soft knock was heard from the door and it opened gently. A young woman came in. She couldn't be any older than forty years old, maybe even younger. There were dark circles around her eyes, her black hair were tied in a messy bun at the top of her head and she was wearing a white striped knee length dress, with a white apron over the dress. Her smile seemed warm but when she opened her mouth he was ready to bolt the room. As soon as he heard it, he cringed. So the annoying voice had a face. That completely changed everything and made this woman his worst enemy. Her appearance became equally horrible just like that voice- annoying, irritating and bothersome. She asked if he felt fit enough to see some visitors . He answered yes without a second thought. Doubt soon started eroding him away again. Initially he felt excited , finally someone seemed to care for him. After months of no touch and human contact starvation he felt eager to see someone. His body was filled with dread , his stomach coiled in guilt and worry. They would probably look at him disgusted , hateful wondering how he could have done something like this. Their eyes would glare at him, maliciously and vengefully. What he was faced with in reality was beyond his imagination.

His friends came in, it was Haruichi and Furuya, followed by Ryosuke and Kuramochi behind them. Their eyes were red. The dark circles underneath their eyes and their lip chewing made their worry apparent. As soon as Haruichi saw him he run up to him hugging him tightly, sobbing as if there was no tomorrow. He was practically begging Sawamura to forgive him:

"I am so sorry Eijun , please try to forgive us all. I know that our actions were inexcusable but please try to. We feel as felt as if we are failures. You supported us through all of our troubles but we couldn't support you when you needed us the most. We left our feelings take the worst of us. You felt and acted so different that we didn't know how to help you or how to act with you… We honestly hoped that if we left alone you alone you would heal on your own. You always asked us to leave you alone to resolve your problems if you were troubled. We thought you could resolve it on your own . We hadn't realized how bad it had become …..". Haruichi ranted endlessly and talked so fast that he couldn't follow his words after a bit.

Furuya suddenly stepped forward, putting a hand softly on Haruichi's back to stop his panicking ranting and willing fully took the lead.

"What he is trying to say is that we are all very ashamed of ourselves, we should have done better but we didn't. I know we can' t change the past but please give us a second chance. We will truly prove that we are different. We won't let our vengeance for the match losses take the best of us ever again." Furuya said sternly . He looked very shaken up. His from didn't give anything away ; but the way he kept avoiding his eyes and their rabbit movements betrayed his true feelings.

Sawamura didn't answer back , he simply stared at them. He didn't know if he should trust them. He could give them a second chance but he would need time to heal. He certainly wouldn't be able to trust them like he did before but he would try to.

They left hurriedly and quietly closed the door behind them. This only left him alone with Kuramochi and Ryosuke. The atmosphere seemed electrified and filled with discomfort. He wished the walls would open up and drown him as best they could , hiding him from the two people he feared the most. He didn't want to hear their judgment or pity. Thankfully he was in the hospital and Kuramochi wouldn't be allowed to try his moves on him. Just to be sure he would page the nurse with the button in his bedside as soon as Kuramochi came slightly closer to him. He had no time to react when he came forward though. Both of them hugged him at the same time, each from a different side.

"Baka , do you know how worried we were for you?" Ryosuke exclaimed softly in his ears, hugging him slightly more powerfully but equally gently.

"Don't do this to us ever again, I thought you were dead when I found you on the floor like that. Next time if you have a problem just speak to us , don't keep it all bottled up inside you." Kuramochi whispered gently to him. His hands petted Sawamura's hair softly.

Sawamura lost it, he couldn't hold it in. He finally felt cared for by someone and it felt wonderful. He didn't have to be alone anymore . A smile made its self apparent on his lips . After all he had found his saviors. He had someone to stand with him by his side. They felt like his true friends, they helped him when he truly needed someone to save him! His tears felt like a river, he couldn't stop them. They weren't tears of pain though- they were tears of happiness, contentment, and appreciation-. He knew that he wouldn't be able to get over this thing that had hang on to him so easily but there was someone to help him now; there was hope for him. Even if they both were such big jackasses they were the only reliable, stable source of friendship he had and he would take them as they were.

At a point he must have felt sleep inside their warm embrace and exhaustion because he couldn't remember anything other than r crying his eyes out. The moment he woke up again it was dark outside and there was no one there. They had obviously left, back to the dorms. He hadn't told them the truth. He couldn't bare the truth. Plus he didn't want to tell them the truth, he didn't want to admit he was half blind. He just wanted to pretend he was normal. He knew he had to tell them eventually, maybe next week but for now he just wanted to feel normal for as long as he possibly could and try to forget his problems. This was what he would do for the time being until maybe later. For now he was happy as he was, finding a new hope and someone to lean on to, he didn't care what tomorrow would bring. He was just sated with his current state.

Ending of the third chapter. I hope you liked it. Please review.

: )


	4. The dreadful roof incident

**Chapter 4:**

 **The dreadful roof incident**

Sawamura was bored out of his mind . There was nothing to do in here. Yes, there was a TV near the bed but it wasn't plugged in and Sawamura wasn't feeling like getting up and plugging it in. Truthfully it wasn't his laziness fault, it was the cleaners fault. She had unplugged it to clean up the room and she had purposely thrown it into the furthest corner possible. At the moment it was hiding behind the visitor stools and those stools were way too heavy to pick them up and move them. He swore there must had been stones infused in those plastic chairs . Don't let their thin plastic appearance fool you, they were truly devious deep inside. Letting out a deep groan he rolled his head to the side miserably.

Ever since yesterday he was laying in the exact same position. Legs spread and hands tucked underneath his head. His body felt very strained. He made an effort to turn around and stretch his limp limbs. He couldn't make it though, it required way too much effort. Finally with a deep sign he turned midway- his muscles straining from the extreme effort-! Never mind the very needed toilet break he had to attend to , it would have to wait until later when he felt more energized. For now sleep seemed more tempting than any of them.

Waking up again he came face to face with the bright, red ,flickering numbers of his bedside clock. It read 4:05 in the afternoon. This must had been one of his longest sleep so far. For the first time in ages he felt truly rested. Getting up he stretched his hands over his head . Turning around he noticed something suspiciously white beside the table. He picked it up curiously only to find that it was a small paper with very neat letters written on it.

 _ **"I dropped by to visit while you were asleep. I brought flowers. Daisies- your favorites. Ryosuke send some chocolate for you. I placed them on the top of the table, you should find it besides the magazines. Unless the nurse ate them when I left. We will come again tomorrow. You better not be asleep again otherwise I will kick your ass you ungrateful brat!**_

 _ **P.S: You wet yourself while sleeping so I had to call someone to change you. I got quite many remembrance photos from it too! I will keep them as blackmail though. In some of them you look really hilarious man! hahaha**_

 _ **Your loveliest friend Kuramochi "**_

His face palmed himself. He was sure that Kuramochi would joke about it for the rest of his life, 100% sure of it! His cheeks turned as red as a cherry from embarrassment. He would honestly kill Kuramochi if he ever got his hands on him. The weather seemed to be pretty nice outside. The sky was crystal clear blue with a few lonely clouds herding around. He felt the need to be outside. it was a way too nice day to be coped up inside. Sadly he wasn't allowed past the second floor . He was stuck in this floor like a bird in a cage. He felt miserable. This boredom wasn't helping his depression get any better . Contrary it was making it worse. If his wrists weren't tied closely with this annoying cloth he would have split them open by now. Rolling his eyes he hid his face into his arms to hide away from the way too bright light from outside. The world seemed too happy in comparison to him and he couldn't stand it. He just wanted to go outside , just for a second to a get a breath of fresh air and come back inside. This restriction wasn't allowing him too though and he felt frustrated. He couldn't complain about it though. It was mainly his fault for bringing it on to himself.

This certain restriction had begun a few days ago. After countless rounds of shouting, begging, and pleading they had finally allowed him to go around for a stroll, but he would only be allowed in the hospital building , not further outside. That day he felt suffocated- as if he couldn't bare this stuffy atmosphere a second longer- . He just wanted a bit of clean air and they wouldn't let him open not even a single window. Naturally the nurse was complaining like always.

 **"Sawamura what are you doing there, stop it. How many times must I tell you you are not allowed to open the windows. …This is the last warning! Just go somewhere else if you will be constantly moving around like this. I said go!" screamed the enraged nurse into his face.**

 **"Yes general manager" Sawamura shouted. He had finally been kicked out of the room.**

He had been trying so hard to make her kick him out of the room. He had finally managed it. An intense feeling of joy and delight came upon him. He could finally set his plan In action. He slowed down , trying to suppress his wide smile and look as innocent and naïve as possible. Trying not to attract any suspicion from the people passing by. A few doctors did send him curious side glances but thankfully they didn't ask him anything .This was the first time he felt so pleased when he saw the elevator door opening. He got in and pressed the button for the roof. His chest throbbed from the anticipation ,nervousness and excitability he felt at that moment. When he finally reached the roof ,he let out a breath of relief. He was free at last from that stuffy atmosphere. It was so full of sickness it made him feel fed-up with everything : people were dying next door, others were screaming from pain and the children on first were crying their eyes out for their parents not to leave them alone in this wretched place. This roof was the only rest he could get from that pitiful place and he loved it. Luckily no one was up there with him because he must had looked ridiculous . He literally skipped from the elevator to the railing on the end of the rooftop giggling all the way. The last time he had such a reaction was when he saw Sebastian tying Ciel' s corset on his favorite anime. [Yep guys, I am a Sebaciel lover ; ) I just couldn't resist referring to it.] He breathed in the clear air and allowed himself to relax.

Alas, his cheerfulness was short-lived. The door came crushing open. Loud footsteps could be heard and then a scream echoed through the roof top. If looks could kill he would probably be dead by now. The nurse was glaring at him with a strange mixture of bewilderment, anger and worry.

 **"Sawamura Eijun have you got any idea how dangerous it is to be up there? You could have fallen and plunge to your death or even have a heart attack while you were away. Who would help you then, the seagulls? You will never be allowed out of that room on your own ever again! Did you hear me young man?" she kept ranting all the way back to the room.**

Sawamura had no words to say back to her. Yes he knew that what he did wasn't allowed but he had to. The fact that he was also suicidal wasn't helping his situation either but there was no other way to do it- they wouldn't let him alone. He honestly needed sometime on his own- all these people coming in and out of his room asking him if he was okay constantly made him desperate for some private thinking time and some peaceful silence-.

The door closed loudly after they tucked him in bed and locked twice to make sure he wouldn't go anywhere "dangerous for him" again. The last light from the hallway slowly faded with it, leaving him alone with this dreadful darkness that consumed his every though with gloomy and harmful thoughts; letting his imagination run wild and making deeming him too scared to even be able to sleep properly.


	5. The unexpected

**Chapter 5:** **THE UNEXPECTED**

 **I completely forgot to place a notice in the last chapter. Sorry guys. Here it is though in the fifth chapter.**

 **; ) I hope you all liked my last chapter and enjoyed it. It was slightly more humorous and happy to give you a small break from all the sad ones before. Reading it over I felt a bit overwhelmed as if this depressing mood was too much so I decided to wrote something slightly more jolly. It also marked the start of change in Sawamura and him slightly improving.**

 **I would like to give thanks to all of you who have read my story so far I am very grateful to all of you. I hope you will enjoy the rest of my story too. It took me like a really long time to think of the continuation properly and write again , as there were major unplanned details given in the past chapters but I managed it and** **I am back on track.**

Now on with this story. :

Narumiya was completely shocked when he heard about it. At the beginning he honestly thought it was a rumor. That day he arrived to the school as early possible as he could. Narumiya kept jumping around from desk to desk asking them if they knew any additional information about these rumors.

"Oi, Carlos did you hear about the Seido incident, do you think it is true? Do you by any chance know anything about it because I would kill to learn more! Such a poor Sawamura, isn't he? Can you even imagine...and blah, blah, blah." Narumiya kept ranting breathlessly with his face stuck closely to the other's forehead.

Carlos frowned at him. "Geez, Narumiya this isn't the time to gossip around. Although yes I have heard about it. If it true though this will be a really harsh season for Seido. After all he was the only reliable pitcher after Furuya . " Carlos turned his attention back to the book in his hand ignoring Narumiya 's complaints.

"But Carlos you can't ignore me , I am the ace of the team!"Narumiya pouted aimlessly. "Fine if you want to be like this be like this I don't care anymore. Just so you know though, from now on you will be included in my hateful list." Narumiya turned around exiting the room with his head held high. Fine if they wouldn't answer him he would find out himself and from the most reliable source too! He had no choice but to ask Sawamura himself about it . He was the one who was supposedly injured after all. Suddenly he started feeling nervous. Was it actually okay to go and see him? Would it be appropriate ? There was a high chance he would seem like completely insensitive prick.

Who cared what they would think of him though? After all he was in a mission and he had to complete it! Smirking evilly he rubbed his hands together in delight. Yep, this was the best idea he ever had so far. This would even help him in assessing his enemy's improvement and current strength. If Sawamura was really injured this meant that they would have a higher chance to win this year-especially without that hindering, random pitch of his . You had no idea how hard it was to hit it. His pitches were ridiculously unpredictable!. ..When it seemed as if the ball would turn this way it turned to the other side abruptly.

After that hellish, evening practice had finally finished he picked up his phone. Searching frantically through the contact list for something until he finally found it! For a few moments he just kept gaping at it . The phone number kept staring at him brightly as if waiting for his call; tempting him to press the call button. With shaking hands he finally pressed it coming face to face with the obnoxious voice of no other but that annoying catcher Miyuki himself.

"Narumiya- long time no see-. What's up , looking for someone to catch for you after all? Did you get bored of Sanada so easily. If that is what you are looking for I am sorry to disappoint you then but I have my hands full already with two pitchers buddy! I have no time for you I am afraid." Miyuki's smirking voice reached him through the phone.

Narumiya seethed in anger, that little hell of a bastard! If he was close to him he would have punched that grin off his face! But he had a reason for calling and he had to answer after all. "I heard about Sawamura, I was wondering if you would take me with you to go and see him? Just for a bit you know."

"Are you serious? Geez man, fine as long as you stop using this annoyingly tone. Does tomorrow sounds good to you?... Good, good, meet me outside of the school gates at 7 o clock and then I will take you." Miyuki's irritated voice answered the phone.

Narumiya grinned in delight. Finally Miyuki had accepted his call! The trick still worked apparently. Miyuki always got so annoyed when he used that tone that he would immediately say yes to any request he may had.

It was near one o'clock in the morning and Narumiya's excitement was keeping him awake . His hands unconsciously kept throwing the ball up and down. He would finally go and see Sawamura after so long. Those beautiful , smiling ,golden eyes of his and his perky , full lips. Just a look and they made the whole room light up like a candle and his heart to flutter fast. Only thinking about his face made Narumiya blush! Thank God it was dark and no one could see him. He was so embarrassed with himself! These feeling made butterflies dance in his stomach - even his throat would dry up from it-! If Narumiya didn't know better he would almost call it love. However It couldn't be love, could it?

After all he was Narumiya and Sawamura was his rival. He shouldn't harbor such feelings about him. He was just going there to gossip, right? Narumiya couldn't think anymore, all this thinking made him lightheaded and tired. He turned around , burying is face in the pillow. His hands tightened around it. This was so frustrating. He couldn't bear not knowing what this feeling was anymore. Everything was fine before Sawamura came into his sight. The whole world seemed t had turned upside down once he met him. He turned around abruptly , banging his head on the top bank. A pillow was thrown at him hard, disturbing him from his stupor. "Will you knock it off, you are getting on my nerves!", Sanada screamed. Narumiya stilled and his eyes felt heavy .Finally he could feel himself falling back into Morpheus's soft embrace: full of sweet dreams ,sunshine and golden, blue skies and he swore the sun had one of the sweetest smile he had ever seen. It almost looked similar to Sawamura.

The next day:

Miyuki had no idea why he was so nervous. It had been so long since he last saw Sawamura that he was starting to feel kind of sick. He had no idea why he had even agreed to Narumiya' s demands in the first place. It was impossible to say no though. That little, despicable midget knew exactly how to stir him up and he knew it all too well. He had always been like this - ever since when they were children. For some still unknown reason to him , Narumiya just seemed to bring out a kind of brotherhood love towards the smaller boy. It probably was because he was always so tiny that Miyuki liked to consider himself as a protector towards him. You had no idea how many people Miyuki had to shake away from the blonde in the past. It was ridiculous! He swore that Narumiya must had some kind of a pervert magnet or something.

Finally after what seemed like ages, he finally heard footsteps rounding the corner and the reflection of Narumiya' s short silhouette rested on the wall beside him.

"Do you have any idea how late you are? I don't have all day to go around you know, you brat!" Miyuki complained loudly to the other.

"I swear you must have gotten another brain damage or something ,Mr idiot! You know very clearly that it is impossible to control the speed of the bus- it is not as if I am the one driving you know-."Narumiya loudly retorted back at Miyuki's face.

Miyuki ignored him bluntly and started to walk fast again. He wouldn't sit around and chit chat with him, after all it was a long way by foot to the hospital and he was in no mood to talk. Narumiya run after him chatting all the way to the hospital. It is a wonder how his throat hadn't dried out yet!

This wasn't the sight they were waiting to see . Sawamura was just sitting in the bed staring from the window outside. He didn't even respond when they knocked the door. Miyuki was so shocked he couldn't move at all. This wasn't Sawamura, this was an even more alienated creature than he had seen before. His eyes held no sparkle at all, his brows were just frowned together as if in pain and tears kept streaming down his face.

Narumiya obviously had more resolve than him. He just stood his grounds and silently reached Sawamura 's side. He reached forward cradling Sawamura' s figure close to him while whispering soothingly.

"It is alright Sawamura, there is no need to worry. No matter what has happened we are all here for you; even Miyuki. I know that some of us may seem kind of cold but they do not actually intent to be. They just don't know how to express themselves. (At that moment Narumiya silently glared at Miyuki who was still standing by the door sending glares enraged in jealously towards them )No matter what happens I will be here for you, okay?" Narumiya whispered softly into his ear. His hands kept rubbing soothing circles in Sawamura' s hair and back gently ;in a very mother caring manner.

Narumiya could feel him shaking even more. Sawamura was clearly in a full ,blown crying feat now. Until Sawamura shocked him suddenly with his words.

"Narumiya will you help me then? I have been trying so hard to leave this darkness behind but I can't. It just keeps sucking me more inside!" Sawamura broken worded told him. He buried is head further in the comfort of the lemon scented hair hidden in the nip of Narumiya' s neck. He could feel himself starting to calm down eventually. His heaving stopped and his breathing returned back to normal. It was unbelievable how relaxed and right at home he felt beside Narumiya. He was security for him and he wouldn't give it away again now that he had found it at last!

"I will be your light then Sawamura. When you feel sad you can just call me okay ? I swear I will be here for you no matter the cost. You are my friend after all and friends always help each other out, don't they?"Narumiya' s heart kept try to flee from his own chest. This was his chance to be with Sawamura. His stepping stone to reach Sawamura' s soul and gain his genuine trust and love. He was prepared to take the challenge head on. He wasn't intending to chicken out like Miyuki and the rest did. He would stand strong for both of them and help him out in any way he could.

Narumiya glared at Miyuki's direction. He and Seido was at fault! They were the reason Sawamura ended up like this. They poisoned him and this was the end result. He was aware of Miyuki's feelings for Sawamura since the past but he knew it was too late for Miyuki. Sawamura already belonged to him and he wouldn't let Miyuki close to him anymore. He had the first claim and he would keep it to himself. No third person would be allowed in this relationship!

 **Finally done. It was a bit hurried but I earnestly hoped you all liked it .**

 **Please leave a review if possible. I honestly appreciate it if you took the effort to read it, it meant a lot to me.**

 **; )**


	6. Happy department

Chapter 6:

Happy department

After what felt like forever Sawamura was finally being discharged. He always felt so bored. He had nothing to do in this place. Nothing to do at all ! Yes, his friends did dropped by to visit him quite often but he was still bored to death. Some of the most common visitors where Narumiya and the Kominato brothers. And let me tell you how annoying the Kominato brothers where!

"Sawamura eat more, you are becoming skinny," Haruichi endlessly nudged him. Ryosuke was far worse than him though. He kept talking nonstop about school and how his day was.

"Today was quite interesting actually. Kuramochi kept falling on his butt every time he kept trying to catch the ball. Not to mention how weak his throws are. Especially compared to mine. After all I am the best hitter of the team . The rest are all worthless!…Another girl asked me out today. It is a wonder how many of them keep wanting to go out with me after all the ones I already rejected. They are not giving up and I have no idea what to do with them….To be quite frank I don't like any of them. They all have two small oranges and to not mention that flat ass. I like girls with curves. If you think about it though Kuramochi does have a quite perk ass, I wouldn't mind him If he was a girl. However I would have to duct tape him, his voice is too loud for my liking. ..…" This was just a small example of what he would say in a day. Sawamura would not allow anyone to say that Sawamura Eijun spoke a lot ever again in his life! Ryosuke talked even more than him and it was getting on his nerves. He didn't care about Jenny and neither about Aiko from Tokyo who had four dogs and two cats. If he was to hear about them once more he would smash his head on the wall.

These annoying people combined with the boring atmosphere of the hospital room was unbearable. He was so fed up with everything in here, he just wanted to leave and go back home, even if it meant to be back in school again. At least back in the school, the canteen food had some taste on it , even if it smelled and looked like overdue garbage. Here in this place all the food was just blunt, without the slightest hint of spices inside it. Clearly the people who made it had no idea how to prepare anything properly.

Just to prove how much boredom he was in he would just have to list the activities of a typical day during this unexciting week:

-He woke up

-walked around a bit

-spoke to the comatose elderly lady in the next room

-ate the food he was given

-did some more strolling around

-spoke to Narumiya and the rest through Skype

-and mostly stared out the window comparing the cloud shapes

However finally there was a small change in one of those typical days. While he was laying there- contemplating whether the rain cloud was a hopping bunny or a flying Styrofoam -the doctor burst in unexpectedly. Sawamura didn't notice him at all. He was so engrossed in his philosophical study of the cloud formations that the doctor had to couch twice and bang his hand on the bed to be noticed. Sawamura's head rolled lazily to the right and he let out an exasperated sign. "What is it again?", he asked apathetically.

"You are being discharged . The room has to be cleared up by twelve o clock today. You will be going back to school. And no -we will not let you inside the patient unit just because you want to miss school- even if you fake being sick. I am just saying this because it has happed before.", the doctor nonchalantly said while exiting the room to attend to the other patients.

Sawamura just stared after him . It took him a few moments to fully process what was going on. He was finally leaving this shitty hellhole. A wide smile spread on his lips, and he just felt so jolly and blissful. He was jumping around like a madman, hugging everyone on his way. His happiness was uncontainable. After all he was dimmed to be stable enough to leave. Of course he would still have to take medication and got to a psychiatrist for the time being. But through the help of his friends and family he was starting to find his own self again. He was becoming again the old and good Sawamura. Although he could still see that his old self wasn't fully there anymore. Clearly there was a big, chunky piece missing from him and he knew that it would never be replaced. However he was going the right way , and he was determined to gain back his life. He was certain he would be able to escape these spiral, pointy, luring clutches of his past depression.

He knew what was awaiting for him if he went back there, at school." There was a bunch of material sitting on his desk waiting for him," or at least that is what Hruichi said last Wednesday. Honestly just thinking about that gave him a headache. He wasn't a fast learner and it would be so damn difficult to learn all of that! Additionally he would have to start conditioning and strengthening from the very beginning again. Although he knew how much work he had to do and how hard it would be , he wasn't bothered by it. He actually looked forward to it and even anticipated it with great pleasure.

He met Narumiya near the entrance door while he was leaving for Seidou. He just run up to him and hugged him as tightly as possible, kissing his left cheek. Narumiya's face at that moment was just plain priceless. A look of shock was plastered on his face. Sawamura wasn't the person who usually initiates contact with others. Sawamura didn't care though, he was so deeply induced in happiness that he felt like he loved everything and everyone around him. Even that washed away, broken chair at the side of the room looked bright and useful right now!

 **Read on your own risk** -

What came after that was clearly unexpected . Narumiya closed in on his face. He was so close that Sawamura could feel his hot breath ghosting over his ear. His lips bit lightly into his left ear shell and moved on to his lips. His hands traveled slowly down, near the end of his back ,and gently soothed his ass cheeks. Narumiya's hands tightened around him to keep him in place and he just smacked his lips on top of Sawamura's. Sawamura instinctively tried to peck him back only to feel Narumiya sucking on his bottom lips.

A pair of teeth graze his lips gently, forcing Sawamura's mouth to open up. Then everything turned into a sloppy make out of tongues fighting for dominance. Sawamura was determined to be on top until he felt something heavenly. Those heavenly made lips of Narumiya's sucked on his tongue and Sawamura lost it letting out a loud moan. After that it all turned into a powerful clash of teeth and tongues dancing around each other's mouth cavities. The hands on his back squeezed his ass cheeks tighter , trying to relax him and reassure him that everything was okay. Finally Sawamura relaxed in the boy's embrace and let himself be completely consumed by the other actions, just enjoying this immersed pleasure and that tongue brushing on the roof of his mouth cavity. He hadn't felt anything like this before, it was all so divine and delicious it was making him feel aroused as hell.

He was so lost in this dance of kissing tongues that he didn't know how long it was since the beginning of the kiss. He was starting to become dizzy though, probably from lack of oxygen. He pushed against Narumiya trying to cue him in the situation. The embrace around him finally relaxed and those lips departed from his own lips. A string of saliva could be clearly seen connecting them together , like a stitch with a cloth. He felt so embarrassed he hid his head on the crook of the other boy's neck.

 **end** -

"Are you okay?" Narumiya softly asked him . His hand kept soothingly brushing through Sawamura's curly locks.

"Yes, I am fine. I missed you is all. Do you know how long it has been since I last saw you?" Sawamura complained to him

"Yes, I know and I am so sorry. I love you so much Sawamura!" Narumiya lovingly mattered in his ear, making him blush like a tomato.

A car honk sounded in the background disturbing the couple's happy moment. It started honking endlessly. Sawamura let out an annoyed sign and turned around, escaping the other's embrace. Giving Narumiya a last small, playful peck on the lips he finally departed for the car, waving excitedly to him and leaving Narumiya with a stupid smirk on his face behind him.

Narumiya was his first and only true love and he was determined to keep it just like that for as long as possible. He was the first person to show him support and he would show him as much love as he possibly could.

 _ **Afterword:**_

 ** _Hope you all enjoyed it! It definitely is not as well written as the rest of the chapters but I might review it a few day later to correct it._**

 ** _I am honestly very thankful to all you guys who made the effort to read it._**

 ** _P.S:I never wrote smut before so I hope it turned out okay after all. ; )_**

 ** _Please if possible do leave a comment. I am still a new writer and I definitely need advice to try and improve._**


	7. A happy, fluffy day

Chapter 7:A fluffy , happy day

Ever since he came back to Seidou high school all of his friends, even Miyuki, were super welcoming to him. They made sure he attended everything they did and was always a part of their inside jokes. Heck, they even force-fed him seconds while they were dining. He had been so starved for human contact the last few days he was floating in their caring looks and touches. Every touch felt like heaven and every hug like a fluffy pillow. However there was one disadvantage to all of this attention he was getting; they never left him alone. Not even for a single second. Honestly he was starting to feel suffocated and breathless from their overwhelming clinginess.

He had no privacy and it was driving him nuts. He tried to explain that to them countless times but they wouldn't listen to him or they " pretended" not to listen to him and blocked off his words. On the one hand he could understand why they were acting like this. They were obviously scared he would disappear again, just like last time. The only time they ever took their eyes off him he tried to kill himself. Only to find him bleeding all over the floor and laying in a pool of his own blood. It must have scarred them for life, such an overwhelming experience! Seeing one of your friends dying slowly in front of your eyes, freezing in place and being unable to help him at all. Hence all this mucilaginous-ness of theirs.

But itt was driving him crazy. Was it truly possible that they couldn't understand how annoying they were? He didn't need them to tail his every movement, but he didn't want them to stop either. He just wished for a bit of privacy once In a while, especially when he was with his boyfriend. Narumiya was a golden present given to him by God and he truly wanted to cherish him; kiss and caress him breathless! Whenever they saw him with Sawamura they would surround them and not leave them alone.

They ever had the courage to slap Narumiya's head every time he tried to initiate a kiss with him. It was a wonder how Narumiya hadn't yet beat the crap out of them. Seriously he had been punched so many times by them that the back of his head had bruised and was painfully swollen to the touch. If Sawamura was in his place, they wouldn't still be alive. He would have buried them in a ditch far away from civilization a long time ago. However he could see Narumiya's tolerance was running thin. To be quite frank both, Narumiya and Sawamura, had reached the brick of their patience. They were so pent up and frustrated! They wanted to explore so many new angles and techniques but their friends were such cock blockers. Not to mention their constant teasing:

" Sawamura don't do this , you are too innocent for this! You are nothing but a baby. You are too young to do something like this….. Maybe you should wait for a few years until you are mature enough to do this."

" We are just doing this for your own good. We are senpais and we know what is good and what is not good for you. Trust us!"

The infamous , constant mush up of advise words coming out of the elders.

The worst of all is that Furuya was also on their side and he claimed that Narumiya was nothing but a "devilish" spouse trying to rip him apart. Although he had to give him credit for his ridiculous imagination. Sawamura knew he wasn't as innocent as he may seemed. If they knew how far he had gone with Narumiya they would run away from disgust. They had gone past the innocent kisses to mouth jobs to fingering in a record time of a few days. Actually maybe he should tell them, this would make them vomit from disgust and they would finally leave them alone at last. He wasn't such a cruel person though. Nope, he would definitely let them be beaten up by Narumiya first. This way he wouldn't have to interfere in any way and he would remain the innocent party.

By miracle the next weekend everyone was so preoccupied with practice that they didn't notice him slipping away from the field. He knew that it wasn't a good thing for his career to sneak away from practice like this, especially if he wanted to get in a good university but there was no other way for them to meet each other. Everything he was able to think of since this morning was his lust and thirst for Narumiya's sculpted body tightly pressed against his. It was such a hustle to be quiet enough so that no one heard him. With this technique he had finally reached the gates , ready to finally leave this place. Unfortunately he got caught on his way out.

Apparently that little bastard Furuya had rutted him out on the Coach and now he had to find another way to do this. Sawamura stupid as he was, said he had been so homesick he couldn't stand this place, he was ready to flee back home. Surprisingly enough the Coach didn't even question him, just gave him a criticizing gaze and signaled to follow him to the office. Sawamura though he would be scolded really badly but there was no scolding at all. Instead he told Sawamura " to pack up his things and he would escort him back home. it would only be a small weekly visit after all. He needed it, he hadn't seen his parents in so long and a bit of fresh air would do him good." Sawamura was thunderstruck. Fuck Narumiya , he was actually allowed to see his family. This was a once in a lifetime chance and he wouldn't miss it. He was so happy, he felt ecstatic. He run the fastest he ever had run in the last month, collected his stuff in a hurry and even hoped along energetically all the way from the dormitories to the station. That long, warm smile didn't leave his face at all, even when he fell asleep he was still smiling. His happiness just couldn't be contained.

 **a few hours later:**

His parents hugged him so tightly he was nearly suffocating. He was finally home to his friends , to the place he was born and lived nearly all his life. He felt so relaxed and happy just being there with them.

Right now they were sitting in the living room talking about this and that. Sawamura had snuggled in his sit and was drinking his hot chocolate with a quite slurping sound there and here. Just enjoying the familiar view of his family bickering taking in front of him. His mother was cooking his favorite food inside the kitchen. A warm western broth made from vegetables and a boiled chicken. Finally his mother entered the room holding a large pot in her arms, scolding the two men like she always did when they started to fight each other.

"Aish, you guys are terrible. Why are you even fighting? It is something completely irrelevant again, isn't? Just knock it off already. This is dinner time not a fight club.", his mother scolded them while pulling their ears.

"But honey, you know we were just joking around. Don't get mad at your poor husband.", his father mock pleaded his mother, a small smirk forming on his tiny face. Finally his parents exchanged a warm, sweet glance between them before digging in their dinner.

After dinner they all sat down to watch a football match, but Sawamura was so sleepy he couldn't stay awake not even five seconds. His head lolled to the side, letting out a deep breath with their loud noises lulling him away into dream land. He was sure that tomorrow was going to be another great day like today. Full of his parent's attention, love and comfort.

 _ **Afterword:**_

 **Well I hoped you liked it so far. I am not good at keeping posting schedules so I am sorry for the long wait but finally here it is.**

 **Although I would like to tell you all the the next chapter will be the last one in this story.**

 **I am very grateful to anyone who stuck with me throughout it and commented on my story so far.**

 **You were all very supportive with me and I am open for any requests you may like, because I have no idea what to begin next.**

 **Honestly my mind has gone blank of ideas! No joking guys, I think it has burned away from studying for university. ; )**


	8. The final end

**The end at last**

 **Beginning notes:**

 **Finally here we are, the last chapter to this fanfiction. Hope you are all looking forward to it.**

Sawamura was the happiest he could be. He enjoyed his time in Bussan so much he was honestly contemplating to give up baseball to come back home. It wasn't that he hated baseball ,… but it didn't offer him the same pleasure as it did in the past anymore. If he was to be honest with himself he was quite grateful for the incident that happened back then. It made him realize that he didn't really want to be a baseball player, he just wanted to play and have fun with friends. He didn't need to become a professional to do that, he could do that in any of his own free time in many more ways than playing baseball. After all it was just a childhood dream and like all childhood dreams you can never learn from them unless you pursue them. And he did pursue it only to realize it was never meant to be. He was the kind of person that liked to live his life freely, away from high pressure and stress. As a matter of fact the silent life of the village was the most suitable for him and he would stay there for as long as possible.

He had already told his parents that he was quitting his baseball career yesterday and they had claimed that they would accept all of his decisions no matter what they will be. Yet he knew they were saddened with him. The disappointment was crafted all over their faces; both of their gazes where filled with sadness and pain and they were tearing him apart from the inside. However he didn't care anymore, he wouldn't go back. He was determined to live peacefully in the countryside , have a small family, live a happy life and take care of his father's farm like all of his ancestors did before him.

Once he had made his decision official to the school everyone had bombarded him with phone calls trying to either comfort him or change his mind; especially his friend back in Seidou and his boyfriend Narumiya. Only for all of their attempts to end in vain as they couldn't convince him at all. He had wholly set his mindset on this decision for once and for all and wouldn't accept anyone else's words. Once Sawamura became determined nothing would move him- not even an earthquake would be able to force him away from the mountain he stepped on - he would still move through the falling rocks and the shaking earth to reach his destination.

For example this was one of his friend's call:

"Sawamura we will truly miss you quite a lot… After all you are the cheerful link of our team." An example of MIyuki's endless rumble while talking to him on the phone.

Kuramochi's words though were the most touching of all of them:

"We hope you know how much you mean for all of us. You are not just our teammate but also our dearest bother and friend. We will all miss you so much. .. but if that is what it takes to see you happy again we will accept it. Ever since you left that place you have been looking so miserable and grim! No matter how hard you tried to hide away from us we could all notice it still lingering in the back of your eyes and it made us worried. So please stay home and take good care of yourself , okay? Whatever you need we will always be here for you. Even if it is a completely ridiculous demand you must tell it to us and we swear we will all help you out with it." Kuramochi' s words where radiating so much warmth and honesty that it made him tear up. The tears wouldn't stop falling from his eyes. In less than a few minutes they resembled a waterfall falling down his eyelashes and marking his cheeks and neck. Only listening to the way Kuramochi's sentences where breaking apart from Mochi' s wailing tears broke and mended Eijun's broken heart at the same time. On the one hand he felt guilty for leaving them behind , such a long distance away from him and abandoning them. On the other hand he also was glad to know he had such caring friends on his side and he meant to use them out anytime he ever needed them. Even if it was just for a random conversation on the phone during the late morning hours.

Truthful to his words , he had had so many random conversations with them that in the end they all forgot the reason they originally called him to begin with. Most of the times their conversations would be of how nice the weather was outside today, how green the grass was in their yard, what brand of new dog shampoo they bought and how many times they jerked off in a week (of course such private information where enclosed only when he spoke with his ex boyfriend Narumiya ). They may all seemed so meaningless to the rest of his friends but to him they meant comfort and familiarity and he would cherish these feelings for the rest of his remaining life.

Thankfully after the short span of three months in Bussan he became again the old, good Sawamura that loved to run around in the woods and take care of the animals and the crops. Everything seemed to be back to normal with him until the next spring came . Suddenly on day in the middle of the spring season he started feeling a strange pressure on his forehead. He kept ignoring it hoping it would go away. It didn't go away though and it started pestering him all day. As time passed by it even caused him blinding and insufferable pain. It felt as if somebody was stabbing his forehead with a needle. Hence his family decided that they had enough with his stubbornness and that they should consult a doctor at last. They wouldn't accept to see him suffer like this just because Sawamura said it was just the flu and it would pass.

Eijun always hated doctors , they made him nervous. They all wore that way too white cape and had that little , sideways, sneaky smile on their lips. To put it lightly; they simply made him feel uncomfortable and awkward. Yet his parents dragged him forcefully out of his room, gracefully hanging him over their shoulders like a sack of potatoes and dumping him on the back car seat. Once there he was forced into a combination of tests to check if there was anything wrong with him. As expected none of the tests showed anything wrong . All of his x-rays, c- scans, blood tests etc, came out normal so the doctor simply assigned him some Ibrufen in case the "headache" got really bad. For the next few weeks the pain ceased to exist. He was finally relieved of this horrendous pain and he was back to leading a normal life again.

But things never go as planned in life. They always take a turn, either for the worst, either for the better. Sadly Sawamura didn't turn out to be a lucky guy and his took a really, really bad turn for him.

All that was heard about the incident was that no one knows how it happened. He was just standing there cooking dinner for his parents and the next second he was on the floor. His friend screaming for someone to help out while he called the ambulance to come as fast as possible. However they were too late. By the time they came he was already gone. His parents requested an autopsy to see what was wrong with their son. Apparently they found out that he had a very dangerous brain aneurism that no one noticed before. It must had been too small and only near its beginning stage when they first made those tests so no one was actually able to see it. But even if they saw it they wouldn't be able to do anything, it would be really hard and dangerous to operate in that area to fix the problem he had. Maybe if they saw it sooner there would have been a very slim chance of survival but it didn't matter anymore. Nothing could change now. He was gone for good and no one could bring him back to life again. Even near the time of his death he didn't look as if he was in pain, or maybe he was just too talented in acting. Until the last second he was still acting like the usual jolly ,energetic Sawamura they all loved and knew about. The only confrontation for his poor friend who witnessed this event was that Eijun at least died a painless dignified death in his own home ,while he was still happy, away from the poisonous scalpels and the harsh lights of a cold hospital room.

Everyone was crying at the day of the funeral. No one could say anything, they were filled with so much grief they could only cry. Everyone was lamenting for this loss. In a way it was unfair . That boy had gone through so much, he didn't deserve this fate. Plus he was so young, just a mere 17 years old boy, he had so much to look forward to and he would never be able to see them or find them out ever again. They all loved him so much it was too hard to let him go but they had no choice. They could only hope he would go to a good place after his death, in a place where he would finally be granted some well needed peacefulness. As for them, as much as it hurt them they couldn't stop living their lives after this. They all had to move on and find some happiness in life. Sawamura wouldn't want them to grieve over him , but to continue on to live the life he never had the chance to have . A happy life, full of children, maybe even a family. Anything that would grant them some sort of happiness. Because they were his friend and he cared for them just like they cared for him and he just wanted them to be healthy and happy at last.

Granted it did take a long time for all of them to get over it. Some of them even fell into a long time of depression before getting better but they all had him in mind and tried their hardest to find some purpose in life to keep them happy and get over their problems. Thankfully most of them managed to have a family and a successful career. Even if they didn't have a lot of money to live with and were a bit poor they still managed to live by. Sadly not all of them managed to get through it, one of them specifically couldn't bare it at all. Narumiya was found dead from a pill overdose near a park a few weeks after Sawamura' s death. He was too close to Sawamura to let go so he decided to follow him to where he went In hopes that he would finally find some happiness with the love of his life at last, his very own Sawamura.

 **Ending note:**

 **Guys I am so, so sorry. You have no idea how many tears I cried while writing the last part. I have no idea how the ending even came out like this. I meant for it to be a happy fan fiction too. I guess damn me and my depressing moods, they are ruining everything.**

 **Anyways hope you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed it please do leave a comment underneath this fanfic. Constructive comments are greatly appreciated.**

 **I have no words to describe how I feel to all of you who stuck with me to the end. I know I haven't been the best writer, especially at keeping up with time schedules and thank you for actually giving up your time to read my story. Hopefully this story was a pleasant journey for all of you and you all enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing it.**

 **Thankfully yours, thepingukitten1 : )**


	9. Alternative ending

Years have passed since then. Thankfully, after lots of psychotherapy and with the help of all of his family and friends he had made it through. His suicidal urges had gone entirely away, but as it was to be expected, he still was occasionally depressed.

The difference was that now he knew that he had others to help him out, he wasn't alone anymore. He could still remember his mother's and his friend's faces and reactions that day, and he would never want to see them again like that. They all looked so defeated and sad; it broke his heart in pieces.

He would fight to get better, not only for them but himself as well. He wanted to live to see his future kids and family, and he wasn't about to give up anytime soon.

There was one regret in his life that he wasn't truly sure if it was the right decision or not, but it was too late to change it. Leaving high school baseball was indeed his decision, but it had been greatly influenced by his parents. They had pressured him into quitting thinking that if he left baseball he would get better; after all, it was part of the reason of all of this happening.

He wasn't so sure though. He knew that it was part of the cause of his depression, but it wasn't the only culprit. The pressure from school, his parent's fighting and divorce, and everything around him coupled with baseball and the present circumstances back then had caused him to break apart. His immaturity had made him think that the only culprit for what had happened was baseball. Though the help of the psychiatrist and lot of self-criticism he now knew that he had been wrong.

To be honest, he still loved baseball, and he would love to go back to it, but he was aware that he had lost his chance to play it professionally. Sadly in the baseball world, there were no second chances and he had messed up his own first and only chance.

He always felt a bit jealous when he saw Miyuki and Narumiya play professional baseball. He still felt the urge to throw Narumiya of the mount and take on the batters himself. He even cursed him sometimes when he had a bad shot; boasting about how he would do it better whenever he went out with him for a coffee. Sawamura was one of his greatest fans, and he felt very proud of what Narumiya had achieved. However he didn't want to show it to him, he would prefer it if he still thought that he hated his pitching.

Truly, he felt quite fond of Narumiya. Narumiya had stayed beside him throughout all of his treatment, taking care of him and cheering him up in any way possible. They had bonded so closely to each other, that they became inseparable in the end. Thus, these intimate feelings made them both confused. They thought them as signs of impending love.

One night under the low light of the moon they confessed to each other, and they shared a very passionate French kiss. It was a bit of a messy first kiss, to be honest. There were half drunken people cheering them on, others were throwing up from the overwhelming amount of alcohol, and here they were; trying to establish a relationship In the middle of a college party.

It did work out for about a year, but they both realized that they had no romantic feelings towards each other. Thankfully they broke up on good terms. They were and still are best friends and have no plans of breaking their friendship anytime soon. They are so close that they even know every little nook and detail of each other's lives and bodies, and they are not embarrassed to say it out loud to anyone who might find it weird or abnormal.

Narumiya was the first of them to get married. He had even asked Sawamura if he would be his best man. He, of course, said yes. After all he was joyous to see his friend finding someone he thought he could live the rest of his life with and he would support him. The bride's name was Luciana.

He had met her from an Erasmus program at University, and since then they had been inseparable. She had a very peculiar character. She wasn't a bad person, but if it were him, he wouldn't be able to stand her for a whole day. His entire life would have become miserable with someone like her. She didn't have many of his friend's characteristics or behaviours either, but together they both balanced each other like yin and yang.

As for him, he never thought he would be able to find someone who would be willing to marry him or date him after Narumiya, yet he did manage to find someone.

That someone was an unexpected person. His name (yes, you have read right, and it is indeed a he) was Haruichi. He was a very dear friend throughout his baseball high school, but they both lost contact after he left.

They had accidentally met each other one day, and they started chatting almost immediately. It turned out that he too had given up baseball. He was now studying to be a cardiologist, and he had just moved to a dormitory only five minutes away from Sawamura's apartment.

They had countless meetings for food or coffee during the upcoming weeks. Then the unexpected happened. Haruichi asked him to be his boyfriend. He was a bit thoughtful at the beginning but turns out that it was one of the best relationships he ever had in his life.

Hence now after two years of living together, they were here, both standing in front of the altar and pledging their life to each other's life. They were about to get married, and no one would stop them. They were ready to be one for once and for all, in health and for the rest of their lives, until death does them apart.


End file.
